Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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