i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
