Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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