evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
