Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
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