im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
