awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize