dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
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