Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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