Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
