I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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