giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize