I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
