You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
