And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Plan B is the new Plan A
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
