smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Randomize
