I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
