I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
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