omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
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