Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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