When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
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