Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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