Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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