That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Randomize
