im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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