oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize