He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
