um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
