walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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