im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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