Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
