If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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