He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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