i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
