Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
