whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
