Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
