My liver just broke up with me...
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
