my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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