Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Everything about him screamed your future.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Randomize
