I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
