she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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