my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
