we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
I CAN MOONWALK!
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
