Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
