Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Randomize
