you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
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