At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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