I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
