At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
