I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
