I didn't shave. On purpose
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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