I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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