First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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