I cockslap morals
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
