I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
