areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
