We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Randomize