'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Randomize
