I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
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