Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
