I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
you mean i was at the winter classic?
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
