I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Randomize
