I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
two words: eviction party
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
