i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
